Kronikle

Kronikle: "Ok so this happened like 2 days before Christmas, what, some 3 years ago or some shit like that. Well anyway, I found my inspiration in life... This had to be the single most bitchinest badass whoever boinked a chick.

The story goes a little something like this:

So I was watching 'Down the Hatch 2' and this guy was banging this fat chick, and I'm like 'What the fuck? NO FAT CHICKS! There ain't a way in hell I'm watching this bullshit!' So after I finish watching it for 19 minutes, the final money shot comes in. SPLAT! Right on her eye!! Then the fat chick starts crying because I assume all the jizz was hurting her eye. He puts his hand on her head and starts petting her hair softly, convincing her that he's not an asshole and appologizing. But is this porn star like any other little wussy sex douchebag? Hell no! He says 'Open your eye, let me try to get it out (yeah right!)'. He slowly starts pulling her head closer and she slowly starts opening her eye... then BAM! Out of nowhere, he just stabs her in the eye with his cock then slaps her in the face a few times with it, then knocks her over. She was crying lol. TAKE THAT, FAT CHICKS!"


Dictator: "What does this have to do with Christmas, Kronikle?"

Kronikle: "Shut the fuck up."

Retards are funny, very funny. I don't care if you think I'm an asshole, I think you're an asshole for not laughing. What's better than winning a medal at the special olympics? Not being retarded.

Why are retards funny? Simply because they are. They're so stupid it's funny! And not only that, the way they move, the way they talk... MAN! It's just too much, I can't help but break down in tears laughing at these retards.



I remember once when I was outside one of my classes, across the hall was the ESE (extra special entelligent) room. I saw one retard with a suitcase on wheels walking down the hall to get the room saying "Whusup?" to everyone who passed. Now, that may not sound funny, but he had lily white skin, a HUGE ass head (think Timmy from South Park), and the highest squeaky voice imaginable. Not only that, he walked like a... well retard. So anyway, this kid is saying "Whusup?" to everyone he passes by, and when I say everyone, I mean EVERYONE! Even to the nigger who was about to steal his suitcase. As he walks by I trip him... no one's going to use ghetto talk on me bitch! So the retard gets up and walks into his class and sits down.

Then I see this really fat, ugly, slob, retarded chick walking down the hall. Shes walking at a retardedly slow pace. She finally walks by me, turns right toward me, and walks up and starts rubbing my shoulder. So I choke slammed her into a wall. Bitch! Maybe that will teach her not to be retarded.

Then finally, the funniest retard of them all walks in. This was the grand daddy of stupid tards. Picture this, Lorianne from Mad TV... just like 100 times funnier... and stupider. She walked the most screwed up way imaginable with the copyrighted Limp Retarded Hand That Smacks The Chest © and says something really smart to everyone who walks by. You know, like "UWUUAUUAHUAHUAH!!" So she walks by me and faces me with the most messed up face you can possibly imagine. She was biting on her bottom lip and had the goofiest look. Her face was like right next to me, I could feel her breath on my face. She steps back and gets into a deep martial arts horse-riding stance, then she looks down and starts smacking her wrists with her index and middle fingers really hard. Then she yells "UHUUUAHAUHHHUHUUUUH!". So to be a jackass, I showed her my non-digital watch and smile. She nods with an affirmative "UGAH!" then turns and walks into class... but not before kick her ass! Bitch! So she walks into class and says a friendly "HIIIHIHUHUHIHUH!". Then the next thing I heard was the funniest thing I've ever heard in my life. An retarded orchestra all in a retarded unison saying "HELLOOHOOLOLOEELOO!"... then like 2 seconds later I hear "Whusup!"



Ah, those were the good days. I'm sure you're thinking "Man, Kronikle is an asshole for making fun of retards." No, I think you're the asshole for not making fun out of them. Just look at their poor lives. They didn't ask to be retarded, although I doubt they could :). What are they in life? A burden. You have to get them special attention, special classes, HELL! we even gave them a freaking special olympics? What the hell else do you want? And what have they done for us? Nothing. Do you know how guilty that must make them feel? You tell them to do a task and they screw it up. They can't do anything right. But what can they do? They can make us laugh. Laughing is good for the soul and it makes them not feel guilty about not being able to do something. "But Kron, you jackass, they can't understand what guilt is! You're just making fun of them!" Well if you don't think they can understand guilt, then what makes you think they know or care if someone's making fun of them?

So I say my fellow retard mockers, The next time you see a retard, make fun of his goofy ass!

-Kronikle